Giving Yourself Room to Grieve
“Faith makes all this possible. Love makes all things easy. Hope makes all things work.”-”
17 years ago, I lost her – she was my sister and my best-friend. She had the kindest heart. She had a way of lighting up the room whenever she walked in. Every time she’d visit, we’d sleep in the same bed and she’d tell me countless stories and I’d laugh until my stomach hurt. She was hilarious!
Since her death, I’ve met so many new people that I love deeply. People that are now part of my family. The heart is a special thing; it’s like the deep ocean that never runs out of space. It loves deeply. It has no limit to the amount of people that it can allow inside. And yet, the heart still has pieces that remain void. Each piece belonging to someone that you love and have lost.
I barely remember making it through 2003. On February 9th, my childhood friend passed away at 16 years old after being sick for a long time. Two months later, on February 9th, I remember hearing my mom on the phone, sounding shocked that someone had just died. I slowly walked down the stairs and she told me my cousin had died. I just turned around and walked up the stairs to my room. I was in shock; it didn’t sink it. It was so unbelievable that it never sunk in. There was no closure.
That July, we moved to the US from Kenya. I had dreams about her every other day. I still dream about her here and there. A few days ago, I came across a bunch of letters that my friends and family would send me when we first moved to Kenya. I can’t believe I kept them. It’ been 17 years.
I was browsing through all the letters but really, I was hoping to find one from her and I did. I held her letter in my hand and I couldn’t read it. It was in that moment that I allowed my heart to just break and grieve for her. She always used to tell me how much she loved me. She’d make fun of me and say it was not fair that I was too pretty (I don’t know what she was talking about because she was beautiful).
She wanted to be an air hostess. I don’t think I realized that losing her made me distance myself from my other cousins. I didn’t want to be too close and lose them too.
I hope she knows how much I love her and how much I really miss her. I wish she could see the woman that I have grown up to be and hope she would be proud that I got to achieve all my dreams.
About my Outfit:
It’s quite shocking for me to say this but I actually like the all black outfit! For someone who tends to steer away from dark colors because they are depressing, there’s just something classy about it - maybe it’s the gold accents on the blazer. This is my special oversize blazer that was part of the H&M Balmain collaboration.
Each year, H&M does a special collaboration with a designer that allows customers to purchase that designer’s pieces at a significantly lower price than what they retail for. If there was one collab that had some really nice pieces, it was this one. They should bring it back.
I don’t own a lot of black heels but the few that I have from Zara are super cute and comfortable! Zara has some of the comfortable heels compared to most fashion brands. The black pumps are sold out but you can find a similar pair here.
Blog Anniversay
7 years ago, on this very day, I launched my blog. There were many reasons behind me launching it on 9/11 but the most prevalent is that I never wanted to forget that life is fleeting, life is a gift, and we are not promised tomorrow. Check out the first article I wrote after visiting the 9/11 memorial site here. May the souls of everyone that perished on that tragic day continue to rest in peace and may God continue to comfort the thousands of families that have been left behind.
In celebration of my blog anniversary, I’ll be doing a special giveaway. Stay tuned for more details!
Thank you for stopping by!
