Is It Possible to Love Others If You Hate Yourself?

“Most of us spend so much time hating things about ourselves, that we don’t realize that we are crippling our ability to love others.”

— Pastor Mike Todd

I have a lot of questions today - have you ever asked yourself, “How much do I really love myself?” I know, that’s a really random question that I have never asked myself either, but I think it’s worth asking. Do you love yourself enough to have love left over to give to others? Is it possible to love others while hating yourself

The other day, I was watching the Dr Phil Show and he had a guest on there that was addicted to drugs for so many years that he couldn’t keep a job, he had nowhere to stay and his marriage had ended in divorce. He had a 6-year-old that he claimed to love so much but had not made time to see her or even call her in almost a year. He hated himself so much that he didn’t see the point of living. Now, I know this is an extreme example of self-hate, but it really got me thinking – is it possible to love someone like this man claims to love his daughter and still hate yourself at the same time? Clearly, I don’t know but I’m curious to hear what you guys think.

Most often, self-hate stems from bad decisions that one has made in their lifetime or traumatic events that happened to them such as abuse, that left them feeling worthless and empty. I think it’s possible to a certain extent for people that hate themselves to have love for someone else but the degree to which they are capable of displaying that love is where their self-hate steps in and cripples them. How can you truly show someone love if you don’t even know what it looks like on yourself?

I’m reminded by this verse…”and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.…Mark 12v30,31

This brings me to my other point – you can only love your neighbor to the extent that you love yourself. Have you ever met someone who was so angry at everyone for no apparent reason? We often react back with anger when we come across such a person without realizing that they have their own demons that they are fighting and whatever anger they are displaying towards you – is nothing against you – but a reflection of how they feel about themselves.

If you are currently plagued with self-hate, it is not a death sentence in itself. Just remember that God loved you enough to send his own son to lay down his life for you - “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” John 15: 13. All your heartache, all your fears, all your pain, all your shame, all your burdens – He has overcome! You can lay it all down at the feet of the cross and let God do his best work.